


More Than Tea

by CharlieDream



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock (TV) RPF
Genre: 2020, Ace!Sophie, First Kiss, Fluff, Love Confessions, M/M, bi!Ben
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-11
Updated: 2020-01-11
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:41:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22213498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CharlieDream/pseuds/CharlieDream
Summary: Benedict Cumberbatch knows where Martin lives, but he's never been there. Somehow he finds himself sat near Martin's flat hoping to see the man.
Relationships: Benedict Cumberbatch/Martin Freeman
Comments: 4
Kudos: 44





	More Than Tea

**Author's Note:**

> Hi. I'm a writer. I missed writing fanfic so I decided once a week to free-write fanfic and post it. Because I'm freewriting you might find errors here, but feel free to point those how and I'll get them corrected. I hope you enjoy this story. I love writing about these two as I think their dynamic is truly unmatched by most.
> 
> Hope your 2020 is going well and feel free to comment on any errors or if you enjoyed the piece,
> 
> Wishing you love, peace, and happy dreams,
> 
> CharlieDream

Benedict Cumberbatch knew where Martin Freeman lived. Of course he did. He knew it when Sophie randomly mentioned she'd heard that Martin has moved close by. He knew it when a neighbor said he was sure he just saw Martin Freeman having a walk. He knew it when he was driving along and randomly found himself just taking a quick "look-see" to chart the walking distance. Of course he knew where he was at, but having knowledge doesn't mean you'll use it.

And he didn't.

Not a once.

Never in fact.

Because he knew if he did just once, he wouldn't be able to come back from it. He knew that way was fire that would scorch him on the inside and out. He knew that he was still in love with Martin Freeman, but could never tell him.

***

Ben is sitting in his car and tapping his fingers on the steering wheel, ever so often giving a glance around. He had on his shades and a cap covers the hair he's been growing out. He's driving a car which no one really knows he owns. Partially because he doesn't technically own it. He paid for it, but James did him a favor and carries all the registrations and insurance under James's family policy. The car also stays at James's place most of the time, but on occasion Ben has to get out with no one noticing and this is the way.

Of course James does use the car once in a while, which is why there's a load of CDs in the car. James liked to have CDs available for play in case ,for some reason, he loses all access to the internet and he simply must listen to his favorite music. And it's the CD that was wedged just underneath the second seat that Ben saw which prompted this current outing.

Music always reminded him of Martin.

***

He's been sat in his car for nearly a half an hour, just down the way from Martin's place, though not exactly outside. But really it'd be impossible for him to miss Martin if he came or left. 

He feels like no one is really looking his way as ever so often Ben pulls up a GPS app on his phone and pretends to be trying to find something. This deters people from wondering what's happening. Of course he's lucky no one has decided to be overly helpful and help him find his way. They couldn't really. He, himself, doesn't know where's going with all this, where he's trying to end up.

He's waiting to see if the man will walk by and then? And then, then... he suddenly realises this is a bit stalkery. Wait, can you actually stalk someone you know He wonders. Well, of course , that's probably most of the stalkings, ex lovers and what not. He suddenly slumps down in his seat in shame because even if his intentions are good this IS a bit creepy.

But what are his intentions? He tries to come up with the best case scenario. Okay so perhaps Martin out and a bout right now. And he's out getting a few items...perhaps from the pharmacist or shoppe of his choice. And perhaps any moment now Martin will walk past him wearing an out of character pair of jeans and a t-shirt. And perhaps t-shirt that will have a nice statement printed on. Maybe it'll say something nice and sensible like, "I am secretly in love with Benedict Cumberbatch and should he be sitting about in a car I sure would love for him to come up to me and let me snog him and take him to bed." Probably a FEW too many letters for a t-shirt, Ben decides. His trousers could get in on the love professing action.

He suddenly laughs then stops and pulls up his map as a couple with a child walks past. He knows they very likely would find it weird to see a man just laughing to himself in a car in which he hasn't moved for...right three quarters of an hour.

There is no best case scenario. He knows this. In fact the worse case is far more likely. Someone recognises him, snaps a photo, it makes the rounds. Some idiot in one of the rags picks it up and posts it with a headline about him stalking his ex-costar. Oh God. He has to get out of there right now. He puts his seat belt on, and he's about to start the car when there's a tap at the door. 

He somehow knows it before he even turns to look out. But he does turn and it's, of course, Martin Freeman with a curious look on his face.

Ben has a momentarily lapse of brain faculties. He knows he has to roll down the window, or get out the car. At least he has to somehow acknowledge the man outside his window. The man he was just hoping to see ...and kiss just moments ago. But he has no legitimate excuse and though it's thus far just been a brief glance, he's fairly positive Martin isn't wearing a t-shirt that mentions his affections for Benedict. So. What. To. Do. On the off chance Ben does look down at what the man's wearing. Navy jumper, trousers, and nope nary a sign love confession in sight on either of them. 

Martin knocks again. "Uh Ben?"

Ben meets the man's gaze through the window.

"Hi Martin. Fancy seeing you here?" He hears himself say this and knows that it sounds both like a chat up line and a lie all at once. Though aren't all chat up lines filled with a bit of a false pretense? 

Martin stands up and stands back, giving Ben the room to open the door and get out. Ben hesitates only a moment, realising that really he has no other option and then he's out on the pavement and looking directly at the man and not saying a damn thing.

Martin lifts his eyebrows, seems to wait. Which is odd because usually he is the more talkative and this is a bit out of a character, Ben thinks. Though perhaps not as out of character as Ben is currently as he wouldn't say a typical part of his personality is STALKING. 

Finally the silence stretches for an eternity or possibly just ten seconds that feel like an eternity and Ben knows he simply must say SOMETHING.

"Hi," he says. And he feels like an absolute idiot because that's REALLY as good as it's getting for conversation with him right now. What the hell does he even say?

"Hi." Martin replies. And gracefully puts the ball back in Ben's court which is astronomically unfair because Ben started the whole thing with his very impressive 'hi' opener.

Martin looks around and so does Ben as if they're both searching for a visual topic to land on, but Ben knows it really is his court, his game, his whatever stupid metaphor that means he is the one caught out and he has to have some sort of reasonable explanation for being there.

"So," he says and pauses. Waits for his brain to supply more words. He does still have a brain surely? He'll have a perfectly good thing to say any...moment...now. "I uh--"

"Yeah?"

"I--"

"Ben, are you okay?"

No, no he's bloody well not okay , he thinks. In so many ways. In his mind he's going through the timeline of 'not okay' which goes back over a decade at this point. But he takes a breath, knows he doesn't need to get into all that. Knows he should NEVER get into all of that.

"Yeah sorry, just I was out for a drive and I landed here and um---"

"Do you want to come in for a cuppa?" Martin asks and Ben does NOT want to go inside Martin's house, but also is DESPERATE to go inside Martin's house.

"Yeah sure," Ben says. 

"Right I'm just up," Martin points and Ben gives a nod.

They start to walk in silence. Martin has a couple of bags in one hand and slug on his arm is his apple bag that Ben has seen a few times before. Martin, mercifully, does not have a beard on right now which is helpful to Ben only in the fact that he knows that he loses all ability to speak when Martin has grown a beard. 

  
It's an odd thing having this...whatever this is with Martin. He's known it for a while, dealt with it for a while. He's in love with him, but he feels like that isn't especially unique. Lots of people must be in love with Martin Freeman. Have you SEEN him? Ben thinks. Though the fact that Martin would never, ever be interested in him does help douse things a bit. Still seeing him on the show, seeing him during press, seeing him on those rare award show occasions. All of those times and the times off and every single time Ben did something ridiculous (like fly for over 24 hours to visit the man) were times that kept the flame there, that kept him falling more and more. That made his recent decision really more needed. 

Sophie? Sophie knows. Sophie is asexual, but she also really wanted children and she knew about Ben. Knew Ben was bi, but really committed to his privacy. They decided to help each other out, ground each other a bit. Just for a few years. Eventually they'd find their way to be a bit more honest with the world, but all their friends know and so that's all that matters to them. So they married, they started a family, they support each other. And Ben is so grateful to her. But just like she's not in love with him, he's not in love with her. No, no his love is elsewhere.

The short walk ends and they're up the few steps and at Martin's door. Martin takes out his keys and opens it. Holds the door as Ben steps in past him and definitely does NOT focus on the whiff of Martin's cologne he catches. Martin locks the door and then moves past Ben in the small entryway. Tilts his head for Ben to follow and he does. 

"Um, welcome to my place. A bit oddly laid out for now. I'm still finding my style for the place."

"You?" Ben asks because really Martin doesn't need help finding his style in anything.

"Ha well," Martin gives a small laugh. "I'm never quite sure where I want to go. At first I really thought I'd try that minimal lark, but I like stuff. I like things. I find things comforting. Ya know?"

"Yeah," Ben says. He doesn't especially like lots of things, but it feels very Martin to like lots of things and a bit of clutter.

"So. Uh. Tour?"

"Yes!" Ben says and it sounds entirely too excited, but he's really still trying to get his bearings. A few moments ago he was sat in his car trying to figure out why he was here, when he'd leave, and if he was perhaps having a mental break down. Now he's inside Martin's flat and trying to figure out why he's here, when he'd leave, and if he was perhaps having a mental break down. 

They move from the sitting area, kitchen (where Martin deposits the bags and his bag), and then to a small room in the back that Martin seems to be using as a random things room, Then up past the bedroom, kids room, and ending in what appears to be Martin's office where there's scores and scores of album. There's also a small desk with chair. Ben sees that Martin had obviously just popped out for a bit because music is still playing on the record player. 

"So uh....yeah that's um."

"I'm sorry," Ben says. Because he has to say it. This is weird and he's imposed and what the hell is he doing here?

"For?" Martin raises his eyebrows then knits them together in confusion.

Ben wants to say 'everything', but he settles on, "For imposing on you. You seem busy. Was listening to music."

"Oh nah this is a do nothing, catch up day. I try to have them as often as I can. Today is listen to music entirely for myself and uh--" He seems to go bashful for a bit. "Journalling. I'm uh trying to journal more. It's silly."

"It isn't!" Ben is very emphatic about this because the mental picture of Martin sat listening to music and writing is a very alluring one to him.

"Ha! Well. I just want to be a bit more introspective. Try to be a better person. Try to think more." He leans on the desk and looks around. "You ever out doing press and you're talking and talking and you hear yourself and you're just thinking 'My God I'm an ABSOLUTE AND TOTAL idiot' and you just hate yourself?"

"All the time really."

"Yeah same here." Martin takes a breath. "So the do nothing days are just to think about all that and me and the world and my place and if I'm putting good things out there....And that lead to journalling and yeah." He finishes and then the song changes and he smiles. "Oh listen to this here. Great tune."

Ben listens. He's sometimes bad about catching lyrics the first time he listens to a song, but he knows that Martin isn't so he tries to focus on the words. He catches most of them. The tune seems a bit older, maybe 60s era, the woman's voice is dusky and dark and really mesmerizing. She's talking about the loss of love and the finding of herself and it's beautiful.

"Beautiful," Ben says as the song finishes. 

"Yeah, yeah," Martin says. "I like it a lot. Love her whole album. Good stuff." He pushes off the desk and takes a breath. "So uh that's my place. Sorry I haven't had you around, but fair dues." Martin lifts a hand towards Ben.

"You've not been around mine."

"Well I wasn't gonna say. Honestly it feels like that isn't a thing. Does everyone go 'round all their friends house these days?"

He said friends and that seems wrong because are they really, but Ben doesn't focus on it too long as he thinks to answer the question. "Yeah true I mean I try to, but yeah you're right. Not a thing that's often done."

"Yeah," Martin says and he seems to run out of pointless chit chat. Ben knows he's waiting for Ben to finally out with why he's here, but as Ben doesn't know himself then he's really unsure what to say.

"I don't-" He starts and stops. "I mean-" He takes a breathe. Just say the most normal thing. What would be plausible and normal? Surely there's something plausible and normal to say here. "I--"

"I don't want to go back to the show," Martin declares then blows out a breath. "I'm sorry. I don't know if that's--Gatiss had said that maybe soon and I don't know if he was just teasing or...but if we go back to it. I would just would rather it be a really long way down the road. I know I'm not allowed to admit it, but I just don't....it's a lot ya know?"

"Oh yeah. I do. I do. Absolutely. Thanks, but please do fuck off for now. I get it." Ben laughs.

Martin laughs. "Right? I mean. Oh God." He gives an laugh that is filled with relief as it's followed up by a exhalation of breath that seems to say 'Thank you' to every diety that's ever existed. "I thought that might've been why you were here and so nervous."

"Oh no, no it's not that."

"Then what is it?" Martin asks and of course he asks and Ben still doesn't know what to say because Martin even gave him a very sensible out right there and he should've taken it. He was free. He had a plausible reason supplied BY Martin. Why the hell didn't he just say 'oh yeah I wanted to talk about the show' and that would've been that. And fuck. fuck. no really. FUCK!

"I um...I don't know I just." He swallows and goes for it. Just a bit. "I missed...you?" He says the last word a few octaves above his normal voice and with a questioning tone.

"You don't know if you do or not? Need me to tell you? Why was that a question?" Martin jokes. 

"Hah yeah exactly um," Ben stammers and then just says oh what the hell. "No I...this is weird. Do people actually tell people they miss them? That's... yeah. That's why I'm nervous. It's odd."

"It is," Martin agrees. 

"Right so I'll um," Ben turns around and is trying to make his exit back towards the door and down and out and to his car and then to the airport and then he'll buy a ticket and how soon can he set up shop in Antarctica so he'll never have to face this mortifying experience? Do they need horse-faced actors in Antarctica? 

"Ben?"

Ben turns around, takes a few steps back. "Yeah?" He says and he tries to meet Martin eyes, settles for the floor.

"Same," Martin says.

Ben looks up.

"Same?"

"Yeah I mean. It is weird, but we get paid lots of money to pretend to be other people. We're both official, professional weirdos. So I think we're allowed to say weird things like we miss each other. And I uh...do. I mean it's been a while."

Ben tells himself to start breathing and fails for too long seconds. He ends up taking a huge, gasping breath and lets it out and nods and he tries to settle down a bit.

"Yeah," he finally says. "Yeah it has."

Martin smiles. "So I guess well done you for being the first one to come around and admit it. Takes a big man do to that. Impressive. I'll be journalling about this later on."

Ben smiles. It's a goofy smile because the lovely image of Martin writing in his journal while listening to music and having a nice cuppa has just formed in his mind again and this time Martin is writing about him so it's even better.

"Thanks," Ben says. And then Martin moves closer and closer and Ben knows the man is coming in for a hug and he raises his arms to accept and they're standing there and finally wrapped around each other. Martin is an exceptional hugger. He hugs with his entire body, hell it feels like his entire soul. He wants you to feel comforted and loved once his hugs are done and Ben does feel that. But usually the hugs are not this long. Ben knows this because he remembers almost all of them. And this one goes on long, ten seconds, twenty, thirty. They're held onto each other close, tight. Then Martin pulls back just a bit. One of Martin's arm, which was snaked around Ben's back while the other was one his shoulder moves up, and the other moves as well until both hands are on the back of Ben's head and Martin is keeping him still, He's looking up as Ben is looking down and Martin seems to be looking at him in a way he's never seen Martin look at him. And Martin bites his lip and then looks at Ben's lips. He takes a breath.

"Ben?" He asks and it's said as a question to which Ben both does and doesn't the answer to at the moment. His mind is well past short-circuiting at this point, hell it was barely online from the moment he saw Martin, but ten seconds into the hug and it's truly moved to minimal functionality. 

"Yes?" Ben answers and asks.

"Fuck," Martin says. "Fuck." He repeats. "Fuck." He says a third time. Finally he releases Ben and steps back, FAR back. Ben is left in the middle of the room and Martin has literally retreated to the corner of the room where he has a very overstuffed, comfortable looking chair there. It's the only sitting place in the room besides the desk and office chair. Martin slumps down into it and then puts his head in his hands. He says nothing. 

Ben has witnessed all of this and knows what it means. Martin has figured out that Ben is in love with him and he doesn't know what to say. And shit, fuck, shit. Martin knows He knows that Ben is in love with him. He knows that Ben was sat outside his flat, waiting for him, and now he must think it was entirely so Ben could come in here and tell him. And...and...and Ben is struggling, grasping at straws to say that's partially wrong, but it's true. It's absolutely true. Because the CD that reminded him of Martin was just an excuse, just the final push he needed to drive here. Though the reality is,beyond him falling for the man nearly a decade earlier, he bought that car thinking about this, he asked James to keep it thinking about this, he went over to get the car to go see Martin. He needed to say it. It's 2020 and he needed to say it. But he knows it's an unfair burden to place on the man.

  
"I'm sorry," Ben says. "Fuck. I'm so sorry, Martin."

At that Martin looks up. "What?"

"I didn't want you to ever know. I was going to--I don't know. I wasn't ever going to, but then I'm here so part of me did. I really should go. I'm so sorry."

"What are you on about?" Martin asks. "I'm the sorry one."

"What?" Ben asks and his eyes go narrow and the look on his face must be textbook confusion because WHAT? No seriously WHAT?

"I'm uh....you know."

"Nope," Ben says because he doesn't. He really, really doesn't.

"I mean it's...." Martin appears to be trying to find the right words and finally he settles on. "A crush I guess."

"A crush?"

"A tiny, little decade long crush. That's all. Shit."

Ben heard the words. They were all words he knew. Hell even words he's used. And yet he's confused as hell and really WHAT?

"I'm...." Ben stops, starts again. "You have a crush."

"Yeah?"

"On...me?"

Martin gives a hollow laugh. "Yeah." He blows out a breath. "I--I don't know what to say. I guess I'm sorry. It's not something I was ever going to tell you."

"Ha!" Ben says entirely involuntarily.

"Yeah well...sorry. I mean. Yeah sorry. I've not got much to add. Um." He seems to be trying and failing to add more. Finally clears his throat and starts again. "Look shows all but done really and I think our whole doing the same film things is too so it shouldn't be a problem and I understand this is awkward for you...and to be fair really, really for me, but um-"

"Do you really not know I'm in love with you?" Ben blurts out.

"What?"

"Um that is to say..."

"You're married." Martin says and fair point. Trust the man to skip over everything, still considering all the rumors about him and Amanda it's not impossible to think that type of this is pretty raw.

"It's...well...not a sham or anything. I love her. She loves me. Just it is a bit of a....ya know beard type...just for the show. Helps me stay ,ya know, off radar and she wanted a baby. And...yeah it's a bit weird, but um...right."

Martin takes this information in and gives a blink and tilts his head to one side, then the other and back to neutral and nods. "Oh that...that's smart. Her idea?"

Ben gets the jab and laughs. "Yes actually. She is definitely the smart one."

And there's silence. The confessions and realisations are all very loud though. Trumpeting around as they both process.

"Since?" Martin asks.

"Always," Ben says with a shrug. "And you? You said...ten. The whole ten years?"

"Pretty much," Martin says. 

"Ah," Ben says.

And silence comes back again because now is the time for action, but action leads to more. Once put in motion is there a stop to this? Would they want to stop it?

Martin stands and Ben stays put.

Martin walks in front of Ben and Ben stays put.

Martin lifts a head to Ben's face and Ben stays put.

"Fuck," Martin says and despite the fact that Martin has said this word many, MANY times in Ben's presence...it sounds entirely different this time. This time it's a hushed, near whisper. It's breathy and full of about 100 emotions, but the ones Ben immediately picks up on is fear and wonder and , perhaps he's fooling himself, but he's pretty sure excitement is there too. 

Ben decides to stop waiting and he puts his arms around Martin's back and leans down as Martin leans up. The press of lips is such a simple act and yet it says quite a lot, especially when that simple act very quickly expands to open mouths and the exploration of the other and heavy breath and pounding hearts and the movement of hands here, there, everywhere. Martin is an expert on many things including kissing. Ben has known this for a very long time. Not that he's watched the man's films and thrilled whenever Martin got a chance to show off his technique. A technique that he is using on Ben now to reduce him to jelly. Martin kisses him within an inch of his life and Ben is not ashamed to admit he's terribly, terribly breathless as they finally pull apart.

And they do pull apart, well over a meter between the two of them as if they knew they needed to retreat to their corners before continuing.

"We just...." Ben says and then stops. He was just going to state the obvious that they just kissed, but Martin was there. He knows.

"We're very good at that," Martin says.

Ben laughs.

"No bloody wonder those fans were pissed they didn't get to see that."

Ben laughs even harder and Martin smiles then joins in. They both let the laughter ease from them. Ben's breath calms and he is smiling very wide as he notices Martin is still trying to calm himself.

Finally Martin smiles at him.

"Stay for tea?" Martin asks. 

"Yes," Ben says and hopes he's right in the fact that invitation seems to be for more than tea.

"Good," Martin says and the smile he gives says the invitation is for far, far more.

The End.

n

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed that. I loved writing it. If you have any ideas for more fics involving these two feel free to leave a prompt and I'll see if I can answer your prompt.
> 
> All the best,
> 
> CharlieDream


End file.
